Are there any women in the filmmaking industry in the Houston area?
I’ve posted so many ads about this, and all I’ve received are responses from men, which is fine. But I’d love to give two opportunities for women if they are available.
the user base of tumblr is a specific demographic of people who were ‘the smart kid’ growing up but didn’t do as well academically as they got older due to mental health struggles, were probably bullied in school and were quite lonely & introverted so they took solace in reading but now rarely pick up a book, grew up on tumblr but continued using it into adulthood unlike most of their peers who stopped using it after it lost popularity
Please dont come for me like this ever again thank you
And I’m not sure how much I can comfortably sensor anymore, and I probably just need to adjust my filters. You win some, you lose some, and tonight was just a really bad call. Somewhere in synapses of my brain something got crossed and a fall sense of security was displayed tonight. You really can’t be as raw as you wish to be. I’m really talking to myself tonight. It’s super unfortunate, but a cost I’m willing to make.
There’s been a lot of memorable moments where I’ve had to shed peices of myself in some hope of a compromise. Which is fine, it’s normal. Whatever the cost to keep him right?
Sounds super sad, but it is what it is lol.
So I’ve made an effort to just not talk about him at all to anyone in my life. Which is a hard thing. I have to constantly lie to people about things that are going on, who I’m talking to etc all in efforts to keep the peace. It’s not unbearable and yet, slightly tormenting in a respect. Because in moments like these, when I need an outsiders perspective on what’s happening, who I resort to? My band of strangers. Is this healthy?
Today, we reached a boiling point over my “negativity”. I would call it just being realist about a situation. Apparently I shoot down every idea. That’s a fair point. I’m just like that. I’m not nearly as optimistic as he is. I don’t live with the mantra that “things will just work out”. For the record, there’s nothing wrong with that idea, but I don’t agree. My disagreeableness is just “negativity”. I can list so many different ideas I’ve fully supported him 110% with, and all of those have been literally brushed a side by my agreeableness. He said “we” can do this, and frankly, I don’t want to have anything tangible with him, because like I said last night, at any given moment he can switch up. And he’s entitled to do that. I’m not convinced that there’s commitment there, and I’m slightly over having that newfound pressure hanging over my head. I don’t wanna waste time. I have so very little of it.
So the only solution I have, and the one I’m most comfortable with is just removing myself from it entirely. In the sense that I need to just filter my opinions further than they were. Be disciplined in that. He reminds me of my father, baiting me to the place where I’m forced to participate and then “punished” for having a different opinion. Question for the gallery is: do I just walk around opinionless? Or do I have the conversation (this already sounds like the right answer) where I just explain how uncomfortable I feel expressing my opinions from him if they differ because I don’t want them to be misconstrued to me just being “negative”.
Tell you what? I’ll do both. I won’t say anything at all. And IF that every comes up (I doubt it will) then I’ll mention how extremely uncomfortable I feel sharing my opinion and in hopes to just keep the peace and not sound “negative” will refrain from having any emotional response. I don’t want to reach the level of exhaustion of indifference, but that’s where I am. I’m not 100% that he understands that I’ll never be the same girl I was before. That girl is dead. He killed her. He’ll have to live with that, or not.
Again, you really can’t be raw with people you know anymore. Super unfortunate, but not the end of the world.
being born in the late 90′s is a really weird time because our coming of age is/was so tied into the expansion of personal technology? like for so many of us the transition from getting your first flip phone to smartphones wasn’t just a technology shift, it was part of growing up. and it created this really weird timeline where new technologies were being created right as we entered the right age market to use them, so now we all know intuitively how to use snapchat or the social context of emoji use or whatever but we can also remember childhoods spent (almost) entirely outside and offline. like you get all the disillusionment of the older millennial generation except now with the stress of spending your adolescence measuring yourself against others on social media and it’s really fucking confusing
I think adulting is a biggest pile of bullshit I’ve seen yet.
There’s never a moment where you’re giving a break. It’s always one thing after the other after the other. And I’m reaching the point, where enough is enough.
I’ve had seemingly the worst few months of my life with no break. I would love to know when I’ll be able to come up for air. As I am actually suffocating. I’ve been enduring living with my parents now for years longer than I should’ve. (I literally had to fake sleeping to get them to stop calling me). My small business is tanking because of corona. My love life sank literally two weeks after my birthday. And to top everything off, I haven’t been approved anywhere because of my credit. And I’ve been putting so much effort into it.
I keep working at all these things. Trying new avenues. Doing new things. And some how I’m still am messing up I guess. Lol. And now my parents are talking about it. Which is crazy cause I didn’t want my dad to have any access to this part of my life, and my mom has willingly just let him in by telling him things I told her. I don’t know what I expected.
I’ve been complaining about the same thing for well over a year. Nothing has changed. Some people just have it easy I guess. And others, are forced to work the land HARD. harder than hard.
“This is one of the great sadnesses of life. Too often women, and some men, have their most intense erotic pleasure with partners who wound them in other ways. The intensity of sexual intimacy does not serve as a catalyst for respect, care, trust, understanding, and commitment. Couples who rarely or never have sex can know lifelong love. Sexual pleasure enhances the bonds of love, but they can exist and satisfy when sexual desire is absent. Ultimately, most of us would choose great love over sustained sexual passion if we had to. Luckily we do not have to make this choice because we usually have satisfying erotic pleasure with our loved one. The best sex and the most satisfying sex are not the same. I have had great sex with men who were intimate terrorists, men who seduce and attract by giving you just what you feel your heart needs then gradually or abruptly withholding it once they have gained your trust. And I have been deeply sexually fulfilled in bonds with loving partners who have had less skill and know-how. Because of sexist socialization, women tend to put sexual satisfaction in its appropriate perspective. We acknowledge its value without allowing it to become the absolute measure of intimate connection. Enlightened women want fulfilling erotic encounters as much as men, but we ultimately prefer erotic satisfaction within a context where there is loving, intimate connection. If men were socialized to desire love as much as they are taught to desire sex, we would see a cultural revolution. As it stands, most men tend to be more concerned about sexual performance and sexual satisfaction than whether they are capable of giving and receiving love.”
— bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions (p. 175–6)
