going home with little boy blues. december first.
I came home from college for thanksgiving and um.. at first it was so very awkward cause I wasn’t completely sure how to function in this state of mind anymore. and it was cool being home in my queen sized bed (that was probably the best part).
today, though, my last day being home, it was the most awkward experience that I had ever experienced. I went to church and I saw my once best friend, and it was just the weirdest. At first, I kinda wanted to see him, but then when I actually saw him, I wanted to not see him.
he went for a hug, and I kinda shriveled into myself and then it ended into a bear hug which was so awkward and then he commented on it. I didn’t really know what do. and then he went on to call me attractive and mention his getting a girlfriend (which i sincerely congratulated him on) and then he showed my his hickies which is literally this most unattractive thing in the universe.
side note: hickies are the most unattractive things in the universe, and it makes you look like you have no idea what you’re doing. a bite mark makes sense cause it’s actually intentional whereas a hicky is a dumb mistake that just looks dumb and lacks experience.
I haven’t talked about his fathering a child that is not his or his other life decisions and paths that I cannot follow down his path or do i want to. cause I must find something new. I am too old for all these little boy blues. I’ll give him nothing but the truth: he can’t save me, he can’t love me, he’ll just make a game out of me. again.